Tuesday, November 29, 2005

You have such honest eyes...

After I titled my column today I have to admit that I froze for a second. It's really cold today. I'm also not sure how I can be humorous and satirical about such a thing. But - to use a television show cliché - "I've started so I'll finish".

What is it with dating in the modern world?

It seems we have 3 categories of people as far as dating is concerned. Of course you have your overly-confident, good-looking (perhaps simply because they are so confident) people. Then you have your completely opposite scale. Inhibited, possibly a little scary, dull. In the middle then is a category of 'ordinary people'. This is where the trouble begins. If we say ordinary (or average which is surely a similar term) then we are implying that this is the largest category? So is it? And where are Category 2 people?

In a bar on a Saturday night I can pick up (decent? I think so) guys quite easily. Okay the choice of bars is limited but the guys (in the right bars) are not. Females are relatively easy to 'pick-up' too. But, they all seem to be in category top or bottom. Where are the 'middle' women? So, I decide, I'll play it gay. Just to see if guys are the same. Result, they are. But it's like this. As a 'gay man' I can see Category 1 (to remind you, the really confident ones); Category 3 (the slightly dull ones); Category 2 is there too. But they are all Wall-Flowers. See I like flowers.

Flowers in pots; Flowers in a vase (though these will soon be dead); Flowers in the garden, Flowers in a park. Wall-Flowers? Yep I like Wall-Flowers too. Or Flowers on a wall as they might be known. So (as I'm not actually gay) I go back to the bars full of man-interested girls. Once again Category 1 and 3 and very well represented. Where is Category 2, the Wall-Flower?.

I get desperate...Start rubbing the walls. Down on my hands and knees. H.E.L.P. I dart around the bar, not because I'm over-confident or because I'm a little scary. Why? Because I'm lost.

In the television series 'Lost' the 'good' guy is actually the guy who doesn't fit in. Know what I mean? He fits in almost everywhere he goes but in this world (a 'world' that he really needs to fit in on) he is 'lost' outside of the obvious fact that they are all lost physically and emotionally. The guy is also 'lost' to the other Islanders. In the end I know my time has come to leave. The bouncers are even confused.

So though I like to think I am a Category 2 guy (I like Flowers okay), in one night of potential 'dating' I have displayed just 'my' Category 1 and 3 attributes. Wall-Flowers do not get noticed by the opposite sex. This temporary 'blindness' needs to stop because I'm good me. I'm the 'perfect guy'. (Damn, Category 1 again).


Post a Comment

<< Home