Hi, Great Profile
You may remember that yesterday I wrote about the delightful ' Wall-Flower'? I am currently drafting a letter to David Attenborough as I am intrigued at his feelings on this colourful yet neglected variety.
Anyway once a single heterosexual male has discovered that bars are not the place to meet interesting women what is he to do? Bingo?
The favoured answer to this question seems to be "Join an evening class". This is non-sense. Sure, join an evening class if it is in something you want to do. As a means of a 'Wall-Flower' meeting people? Even Jesus would not talk to anyone at an evening class - okay it's because all he would 'make' was bread and wine and the class wanted chocolate and vodka - but even then no-one would say more than a polite thank you.
Internet 'dating' seems the place to go then. Meet new people parties? Speed-dating?. All these things require some sense of 'desperation' or turn into a mates night out. Try them. Just don't rely (on) them.
So the internet is crammed with people all looking for something. Guys pick up girls with their half-naked poses; smut talk and willingness to even 'shag' the girls who "need lots of sex" but are not sure how to get a good supply without leaving the kids on their own to go out and find it. These sites are full of single mums. I have no strong views on it. I admire women who deal with families on their own, or who may have made the choice to be alone rather than be with someone 'wrong'. But, it is difficult to know where to start in these scenarios. Potentially many are really interesting women but they are frequently unreliable because of past hurt; current responsibility et cetera. I'll happily make the effort but what is the effort for? I'm not your 'SuperMan' but maybe your 'GenuineMan'? Oh hell, a genuine potential friend who happens to be a man.
It seems that each time the pattern goes like this. 1 in (approx) 20 people is interesting. You 'talk' on the site. Then e-mail. Possibly text message. Then perhaps you should meet?
Here is where it goes wrong. What are you meeting for? I'm of the frame of mind that it's a friendship. If you are meeting then you must have clicked on some level via e-mail so build on that. Most people seem to want their ideal partner and if not that then some clone of Robbie Williams, Jude Law or whoever is 'hot' that week.
So the meeting is pointless. Nice guy has a nice time. Not madly in love but the person is cool. Silence.
The meeting itself is difficult to arrange. What with the kids, work, pets, dusting. "Perhaps we should speak on the phone first?". What for? I like you.
Phones? Horrid. What is the point in developing an emotional bond (in addition to the mental one) with someone you will then meet, think is cool and probably never see again? Lets just do coffee in a public area. I'm no more dangerous than the husband of 17 years. You never really know anyone. Actually I'm harmless. Bland. No personality. Tedious. Irritating. Annoying. Awful.
Have I been let down? No, not at all. I don't really know these people so have little expectation. I suppose the thing is this. Honesty. I'm a man and I can be honest so women...be honest too.
End of the evening. Woman: "That was fun, do you want to do it again?" Man: "Absolutely".
Men: What are we doing wrong? Women: Answers in a text or e-mail please!
Anyway once a single heterosexual male has discovered that bars are not the place to meet interesting women what is he to do? Bingo?
The favoured answer to this question seems to be "Join an evening class". This is non-sense. Sure, join an evening class if it is in something you want to do. As a means of a 'Wall-Flower' meeting people? Even Jesus would not talk to anyone at an evening class - okay it's because all he would 'make' was bread and wine and the class wanted chocolate and vodka - but even then no-one would say more than a polite thank you.
Internet 'dating' seems the place to go then. Meet new people parties? Speed-dating?. All these things require some sense of 'desperation' or turn into a mates night out. Try them. Just don't rely (on) them.
So the internet is crammed with people all looking for something. Guys pick up girls with their half-naked poses; smut talk and willingness to even 'shag' the girls who "need lots of sex" but are not sure how to get a good supply without leaving the kids on their own to go out and find it. These sites are full of single mums. I have no strong views on it. I admire women who deal with families on their own, or who may have made the choice to be alone rather than be with someone 'wrong'. But, it is difficult to know where to start in these scenarios. Potentially many are really interesting women but they are frequently unreliable because of past hurt; current responsibility et cetera. I'll happily make the effort but what is the effort for? I'm not your 'SuperMan' but maybe your 'GenuineMan'? Oh hell, a genuine potential friend who happens to be a man.
It seems that each time the pattern goes like this. 1 in (approx) 20 people is interesting. You 'talk' on the site. Then e-mail. Possibly text message. Then perhaps you should meet?
Here is where it goes wrong. What are you meeting for? I'm of the frame of mind that it's a friendship. If you are meeting then you must have clicked on some level via e-mail so build on that. Most people seem to want their ideal partner and if not that then some clone of Robbie Williams, Jude Law or whoever is 'hot' that week.
So the meeting is pointless. Nice guy has a nice time. Not madly in love but the person is cool. Silence.
The meeting itself is difficult to arrange. What with the kids, work, pets, dusting. "Perhaps we should speak on the phone first?". What for? I like you.
Phones? Horrid. What is the point in developing an emotional bond (in addition to the mental one) with someone you will then meet, think is cool and probably never see again? Lets just do coffee in a public area. I'm no more dangerous than the husband of 17 years. You never really know anyone. Actually I'm harmless. Bland. No personality. Tedious. Irritating. Annoying. Awful.
Have I been let down? No, not at all. I don't really know these people so have little expectation. I suppose the thing is this. Honesty. I'm a man and I can be honest so women...be honest too.
End of the evening. Woman: "That was fun, do you want to do it again?" Man: "Absolutely".
Men: What are we doing wrong? Women: Answers in a text or e-mail please!
posted by Barney at 1:39 AM
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